New Hometree

My aunt somehow got herself a 'boyfriend' and of course I am expected to get a stroke from 'joy' . Ridiculous.

She may do what she likes in her life. I, however, does not have to like that too. It's what fairness demands (especially taken into consideration how I am always expected to keep my mouth shut about things I am interested in and no one else seems to be or my opinion to myself whenever it clashes with what others see fit.)

I can only hope that this issue will be soled soon or there will be blood.

Soooo - as I am heading towards becoming 40 and still have no life that deserves that name at all, I thought about moving out from my mom a few motnhs ago.
Apartments are sparse and those you can pay even moreso - especially with being on 'social benefits' you got quite clear borders for size and price, which in practically unobtainable here.

Indeed I found a place that's onky remotely over the size cap - 40,13 squaremetres, but was over the price-cap - the cap is at 298,99€ and the space is 350€ (without power and heat, but you can't actually go much deeper). So after a very straining odyssey it actually came to pass.

Now I had no furniture whatsoever, so my grandparents jumped in - which is very kind and caring of them, but brings the downside that they want to say how it should look in the end pretty much.

Last weekend my grandma told me that because they helped me out with the apartment the garden will go to my cousin (which I actually think was her plan to begin with as he is a man and we don't have one and of course we're so weak and clueless and undisciplined, so we won't be able to have a garden on our own, so that was that and I loose the only bit of land I could call home.

With that call center nonsense most likely not goign to work out I wll loose my right to obtain 'social benefits' for 3 mothes (most likely to happen, I can't see otherwise), with no reserves whatsoever.

And to top it all off my mom will most likely loose her apartment, due to me movinh out, as it is 42 squaremetres and 450€ (including heat).

As there are practically no tiny, cheap places in this town she will end up in the 5th level of some unrenovated shithole.

So: no money anywhere, no balconies anymore, no garden anymore and no hope that anything will ever become bearable.

And of course: all of this is our fault and our fault alone.

And people really wonder why I am depressed.

I am way too exhausted for anything. Even the thought of having to do anything is nearly making me throw up.

I have been 'fighting' for 30 years now and never got anywhere. I am done. Whatever strength I had, whatever endurance levels there were - it's all gone.

This is much above being annoyed or even hurt. It's being executed very slowly, invisibly and - most of all - completely legally and in resonance with what people who are not in that situation (yet) wish for.